Start with What Matters
Written by Steve Simonson
According to the stoics, the 4 Virtues are the highest good that can be obtained and should be the guiding principles of ones life. Here is a quick look at the 4 Virtues (and I am loosely translating these definitions):
Wisdom: Understanding what is truly important in life, and separating what is within one's control from what is not within one's control.
Temperance: Self control, and living in moderation rather than extremes.
Courage: Knowing how to act in situations that you feel are dangerous or difficult.
Justice: How fairly we act in our relationship with others.
Beyond the four virtues the stoics say that other things in life may be pursed but that these things are indifferent. Meaning must never be at odds with living a virtuous life.
This is not meant to be a lesson in stoicism, nor an endorsement to become a stoic philosopher. I will state however that I have found many of the teachings within stoic philosophy to be extremely practical and useful within the context of not just my personal life but in the coaching and leadership world. I simply bring up the notion of the Stoic Virtues as they are what truly matter to the Stoics, and they are the guiding light on which all other choices and behaviours are made. The stoics believe that to live in harmony with nature then you must aim to live a virtuous life.
With respect to coaching and leadership I think it is essential to Start with What Matters when it comes to nailing down your personal philosophies. When you can truly understand who you are and what you truly believe is important, it can go a long way in helping you shape your course of action, particularly during challenging times.
Starting with what matters brings clarity to how you view the world around you and brings perspective to daily situations as they occur. Furthermore they help you live in greater congruence to how you feel about yourself, because you will act more in accordance to your personal ethics.
Possibly one of the greatest exercises that you can undergo is fully understand your personal values. Our values are simply your fundamental beliefs that guide our actions. They reflect who we want to be as a human being and how we want our interactions with others around us to be. I went through this journey a few years ago (and am due for a refresher on this) when I had to write out my coaching philosophy as part of a graduate level sport psychology course. In some was it was merely re-affirming, in others it was an awaking to things that I had never realized had such an importance in my life. More than anything though, this process brought a ton of reflection followed by clarity about what was important in my life, and in my role as a leader. I have found it much easier to coach and act according to these values once they were clearly identified, and I definitely was able to recognize when and how I acted against what I believed.
When I did this process I discovered or confirmed that a few of the things that I held as very valuable were respect, integrity, perseverance, relationships, and enjoyment. This isn't an exhaustive list by any stretch, nor necessarily my most valuable, but with each of these values listed here I believe you can really see these elements come out in my coaching, and in what I expect of those around me. Most importantly I believe it reflects how I try to treat those around me. I believe greatly in respect, and not just that others respect me, but instead that respect is shown to all people around us regardless of their role, position, title, or ability. I believe in enjoyment. I think that enjoying oneself is a key factor in motivation so as much as possible I try to tap into this and make everything as enjoyable as possible. I believe very highly in the importance of relationships in team settings, so I spend a huge amount of time helping to foster and grow these relationships.
None of these things I have mentioned speak specifically to the performance of the team, ie scoring goals or selling products, but they are paramount to the creation of a culture that supports a high performing group. It is also important that recognize that I don't simply do this because it is a tool to create high performance. I believe in these as values of how I treat people and how I want them to treat each other. I use them as guiding principles for action. I believe this is what matters.
How do you determine your personal Values and Beliefs?
Below is an outline of a process that you can use to get in touch with your core values and beliefs. There are many courses and on-line work books dedicated solely to the process of discovering core values if you are interested in diving really deep into this topic, but this simple exercise can get you started on your way to understanding yourself a little better.
Process of discovering your values:
1. Write down as many key values that you believe at first thought are very important to you. Write until you cant think of any more. These do not have to be the final answers and can be written in any particular order.
2. Consistency - Think back to lessons learned, or experiences had that stand out as very positive to you. What values were being tended to in these moments.
3. Incongruence. remember times when you were disappointed in your behaviours, choices, actions... what values did you go against in these moments.
4. If you are struggling to think of the values that you believe pertain to you, research lists of core values and note the ones from these lists that resonate with you.
5. If any of your listed values are similar, group them into a central category.
6. Rank in order of importance and try to come up with your top 10 and then see if you can narrow down to your top 5
If your values are what truly matters, then when you start by leading by your values you have a guiding light to help bring clarity to your behaviours and choices. It is important that you dont simply do this activity as a checklist and forget about it. Revisit this on a regular basis. Reflect on when and how you lived in accordance to these values as a leader, and recognize the moments when you acted against them. We are not perfect, and times will arise where we go off course. I truly believe however that by starting with what matters, you will bring clarity to your own personal and leadership philosophies and help you tap in to who you truly are meant to be as a leader.
Steve Simonson