People Matter

    It was a normal Monday.  I looked at my phone and there was a missed call from a friend of mine.  I thought it strange as this person and I texted pretty much daily and text was our primary form of contact when we weren't face to face.   I texted him to ask why he called, never expecting anything close to the news I was about to receive.   A good friend of ours, a man who I had coached with for years, suddenly passed away from a heart attack just hours ago.    I was floored.

    Its days later and I still cant believe it.  My thoughts wander back to the days we coached together, then to thoughts of his wife and two boys, both who I coached alongside him.  This wasn't supposed to happen, this just didn't make sense.   I thought about all of the young players we coached together.  Players who he coached and helped move on to the next chapter in their lives.  This wasn't right, this shouldn't have happened.   The memories that we share came back so vividly, but strangely enough none of those memories actually involved me seeing the game of soccer actually being played.  None of the memories were of wins, losses, referee decisions, or championships.  The initial memories that came flooding back in were all of a great man who I shared my time with. I remember the practical jokes, banter, team trips, and many of the non-soccer experiences instantly, but to remember a score of a game takes a bit of effort.  To be completely honest, they just don't matter at all to me compared what I got out of the time I spent with my friend.  

    A few years back our coaching situations changed and we no longer worked together on a daily basis.  This meant we spent less time together and talked less frequently.  I knew I could call him any day and pick up exactly where we left off, he was just that kind of guy.  A day, maybe two before he passed away I remember thinking I really need to reach out and see how he is doing. I didn't. I don't know why I didn't but man I wish I had.  

    Recently I have been trying to re-affirm why I coach.  In a previous post I talked about starting with what matters.   Discovering your values, and what you believe is important to you in your coaching and leadership world.  Well relationships with people was on my short list. The past few days, in a way that I never wish happened, that was pounded home to me.   A good friend, coach, and amazing person was gone. I am grateful for what he gave me when we coached together.  The memories are priceless, and the lessons I will take will last with me forever.  

    As a coach and leader, sure I am responsible for the performance of my group.  I openly talk about that as one of roles of all leaders.  But I think its the connection to the people around you which may be not just the most important part of it all, but also the most rewarding.  I cant count the number of athletes I have coached in my days, but there have been many.  I am so happy that I have been able to share positive connections with the athletes and staff that I am surrounded by.  I think back to athletes where perhaps the relationship was strained and I remember I used to ask myself whats wrong with them.  Now I know it's my responsibility to first make it right.  To try to understand them.  To be empathic.  To care more.  Because the people matter.   They are not just players, or employees.  They are people. 

Steve Simonson